Morons Can't Think With Portals
by AquaWreckage
Summary: GLaDOS, bored with her repeated failure of her human test subjects, stumbles upon Wheatley's old, human body. GLaDOS, being, well... GLaDOS, decides to play a few mind games. Turns out he's utterly terrible at thinking with portals. ChellxHuman Wheatley
1. Chapter 1

_Wow. I can't believe I'm doing this, seeing as... well, I have no confidence in my writing abilities whatsoever. Don't let that discourage you though, I'm sure I'm not terribly horrid at it. Hey, you might get a kick out of seeing me fail, that's always fun, I'm sure! :D I love how I can be so optimistic about my pessimism._

_I'm doing this because I need a creative outlet that ISN'T art (can't believe I just said that) But ONLY for awhile. I'm hoping if I make myself miss drawing (working completely by the way), I'll actually be able to finish a picture, so I see this as my kind of creative therapy._

_One last thing, I don't know much at all about the Combine. I started playing Half Life (On Hard, because I'm an idiot xD) But I can't make heads or tails of anything so far. I doubt that'll be a problem, but if you notice anything wrong, feel free to force me to fix it! (Without spoiling too much, hopefully?)_

* * *

><p>Chapter: :01<p>

"Hello, Test Subject #1843. You will most likely die by test chamber 5. The last twenty or so have. Good luck." GLaDOS said with indifference. The test subject became wide eyed and started ranting and raving about... something. To tell the truth, she didn't know what he was saying, she'd taken to pressing the mute button as much as possible. GLaDOS figured this time would be like the others, but she was proven wrong.

Test Subject #1843 fell into an acid pit and died on test chamber 6.

"You're kidding me. Why can none of you put up a respectable fight?" GLaDOS yelled. Begrudgingly, she went over the file for Test Subject #1844. She paused. "What's the point?" She would activate this one, he would go off, probably make it to the second test with an acid pit, and die. Their deaths weren't even all that entertaining anymore.

GLaDOS had been contemplating her "life's" recent events. To be honest, those events weren't all that recent, but what else could you call the last interesting thing to happen in your existence? Even if it was five years since those events. Five years of the same. No one to murder her, or put her into a potato, or feed her to birds.

No one to give her a memorable existence. Before Chell, this lifestyle hadn't affected her. Sure, in her early years, adapting to life without Aperture employee's took effort, but she got over it. The difference between then and now, she figured, was that she'd wanted all of Aperture to die. They provided her with very little entertainment, and treated her like any other computer. They'd all but denied her sentience. Chell definitely hadn't liked her, but she'd taken her seriously. She was entertaining, and she'd pushed GLaDOS to her limits. Now, all she had were ATLAS, P-Body, and the unmotivated test subjects they'd found. It just wasn't interesting, anymore.

She was about to check up on ATLAS and P-Body, when she glanced over the test subjects file once more. She widened her small optic and tilted what a human would call her head. "Oh... this could be interesting."

)x-O-x(

"Space. Space. So. Much. SPACE!" Space core spun around Wheatley, absolutely ecstatic. If Wheatley had arms, it's highly likely he would've slapped him silly by now.

"Sure, he's a defective core, and it's not his fault, but after... what? Five years? It get's tiringAND WOULD YOU PLEASE... just... quit with the space talk." Wheatley sighed, getting back to reasonable voice levels, eventually. "You've been in space for years, and guess what? It _hasn't changed_. At all. Imagine that? And guess how much it'll change years from now. I'll tell you how much! It. Bloody. _Won't_. Splendid, isn't it, that? Y'know, the thought that you've seen everything there is to see in space?" Wheatley got like this from time to time. The space core rarely even noticed, especially after all this time. He would periodically get sick of hearing the word "space" and start a rant, asking for a moment of peace. He would usually stay quiet for about three seconds before once again, announcing that he was "IN SPACE!"

There was utter silence this time.

"That... worked?" Wheatley swiveled his optic around, trying to locate the Space Core. He was somewhere out of Wheatley's line of sight.

The Space Core flew into sight. He looked as devastated as a metallic spherical ball could, it seemed. He sniffled, in a robotic way "Sp-space? SPAAAACCCEEEE!" Space Core howled, shaking his optic back and forth.

"Whoa! Whoa there mate, um... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Space is great! Really, it's amazing, it is! Hey, maybe we'll get to see those Space Cops soon!" Wheatley said hurriedly.

"Wheatley's right..." Space Core said solemnly. Wheatley looked at him with concern.

"No, really! Space! It's wonderful! I just love it! It's..." He began to say, but trailed off. "_Why do I manage to ruin so much? Did I really make a machine _designed_ to love space, feel sad about _being in space_? It's never been this bad before..."_

"The space cops will be here in NO TIME!" Space Core whirred happily. Wheatley sighed in relief.

"At least I haven't messed that up. I do wonder how much longer the poor bloke has." Wheatley said to no one. When sort of alone in space, talking to yourself becomes a frequent activity. Space Core was too occupied going back to talking about space to notice Wheatley's idle chatter. Space Core had his fits from time to time. Almost as if the severity of his situation would come crashing down on him all at once. Then he would go back to his ramblings. It was probably better that way.

"I wonder how Chell's doing? I truly hope she got away from GlaDOS. Imagine if she were still testing. Placing portal after portal, with no end in sight. And who's fault would that be? Mine. We were almost there. And then... I truly don't remember what came over me. It's still so... fuzzy. I remember being happy, then, all of a sudden, Chell was just another test subject." Wheatley had had this discussion with himself countless times. Always looking for an explanation, thinking about what he could've done differently, where it all went wrong. All he could come up with was that he must've gotten corrupted somehow. He at least hoped so. It was hard to tell, from his vague memories. All he truly remembers is that he acted terribly, and he only half remembered trying to kill Chell. "I truly do deserve this, don't I?"

"Yes!" Space Core nodded as he bumped into Wheatley, completely oblivious as to what he was going on about.

"Ow! Thanks for the input, mate." Wheatley was spinning a bit from the collision

)x-O-x(

GLaDOS would be smiling ear to ear, had she been human. "I never _did_ get that revenge I always deserved..." She read the details on Subject #1844's file.

_Test Subject #1844_

_Height: 5''9'_

_Weight:131 lbs_

_Aperture Researcher_

_Name: Wheatley Pemberton_

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><p><em>Wow... you actually read this? Thanks! Errrm, I'm going to TRY and get through this without copying off one of the many great authors here. Bear with me, and if you notice a similarity to your story, feel free to e-slap me. I can already tell I have a head start in writing Wheatley's character, since I'm used to rambling. Yet he's still so hard for me!<em>

_One last thing, if (for some unforeseeable reason) you want me to continue, be aggressive about it... (As in, "GET OFF YOUR LAZY ARSE AND UPDATE NAOO!") I'm pathologically lazy, and can't finish anything I start. So lets hope I can get through this, yeah? And thus, you have an authors note likely twice the size of the story. GO ME! :D_


	2. Chapter 2

_So. Many. Reviews! :D I'm actually surprised so many of you read my authors note. I know you did through the various death threats and keyboards that have been getting thrown at my head. (Psssttt, guys. Throw me a mouse next time! Mine is bugging out on me!)I'm entirely too happy that the story is moving on. The first chapter was more of a prologue, nothing too important happened... maybe I should rename it..._

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><p>Chapter: :02<p>

GLaDOS was occupying her time reading Wheatley's file. It seemed he once worked at Aperture, he was... what? An Aperture employee involved with the "GLaDOS project"? "The moron couldn't have... he must've been the janitor." She continued to read. Apparently, he'd been a danger to the project, so he was put into "temporary" stasis. Then he was later put into an intelligence dampening sphere for the supercomputer.

"Perfect." GLaDOS spoke with a devilish tone. "I wonder... if the idiot humans at Aperture can put a human personality into a machine, I wonder if it could be put back..." GLaDOS quickly went to research information on the subject. The Aperture Database had kept extensive files on every test ever preformed.

"Mr. Johnson wouldn't have had it any other way." GlaDOS mumbled offhandedly. She'd paused momentarily at what she'd just said. She could swear up and down, Caroline was gone. She'd specifically remembered deleting her. Yet, every once in awhile, she'd do something very Caroline-like. "Maybe the time I spent in the potato had more of an impact on me than I'd hoped."

She'd thought about deleting her memories of the potato incident on multiple occasions, but she just... couldn't. To do that would be to delete the most exciting memories she'd ever experienced. She may have hated being so powerless, but she got to see things she could only see from a camera before. She got to see places of the facility she'd once only had a vague knowledge of.

Shaking off her random outburst, GLaDOS looked over the various files on the subject she was looking for. She'd read that none of the tests ended well. Best case scenario: The test subject would become paralyzed below the neck. Worst case scenario: Their brains would literally overheat, and explode. According to the file, this was bad, because "the janitor quit after cleaning up the last set of brains." So, there would be no one to clean it up. Aperture was simply amazing at having their priorities straight.

"Well, I suppose it would still kill him painfully and make him suffer. Maybe not as fun, but I could make due with it."

It was then that a file popped up on her main computer screen. She'd scanned it, and found it to be the file she needed. It had been preformed successfully once, it seemed. A detailed description of how to do the procedure was in the file. The names of the scientists behind the experiment had been redacted, but all that mattered was that the important information was in the file.

"Orange, Blue, you can take a break from testing now. The first in five years, I understand? You finally get to see the break room, isn't that great?" GLaDOS said through her camera. She watched as ATLAS and P-Body high fived each other. They went to be taken apart by the machine, excited to see the break room. They were put together, and they both entered a large white room, with turrets scattered everywhere, along with targets.

"On behalf of Aperture Science, I'm required to apologize. We don't have a break room, instead, we have the turret training area. Play nice." GLaDOS watched as the turrets pointed to the robots, and they all shot at once. ATLAS and P-Body would likely spend at least an hour trying to get rid of all the turrets, giving her time to pursue her new project.

)-x-O-x-(

"I'm sorry, Chell. I'm so, so sorry." Wheatley may have said "sorry" Just as much as Space Core said "space" in these five years. "In truth, I grew attached to you, I considered you my only friend, before... that thing that I can't remember. Why can I hardly remember? Did I make myself forget? It's probably for the best, that way. I'd have gone mad by now, had I remembered clearly." Wheatley looked around him, Space Core had taken up a hobby; singing... about space.

Or was he? At the moment, he was only hearing a muffled (highly out of tune) singing voice, almost as if he'd been underwater.

The stars were also becoming blurry. He felt himself slipping away, almost. "Wha..." His voice was going out. It was a lot lower pitched.

"Core transplant at fifty percent" An electronic voice said. It was coming from him. Wheatley heard it clear as day, while Space Core was still very muffled. He felt his every memory slip away.

"What? What's going on?" Wheatley moved his optic rapidly in every direction. Soon, he had no recollection of where or who he was.

"Core transplant at seventy five percent" The choppy voice in his head said once again. Soon, he couldn't see or hear a thing. The last thing he remembered was the voice "Core transplant complete" before the sphere he was put in was nothing but an empty shell.

)-x-O-x-(

So, there was some good news, and some bad. Wheatley woke up, and was very much not dead. With all his memories intact, even. The bad news, he woke up to see GLaDOS's optic shining down at him.

"AHHHG-I mean... hi! How have... you been? Been awhile 'asn't it?" Wheatley smiled nervously as he said this. Wait.. smiled? He didn't have a mouth, last time he'd checked... "Er...OW!" Wheatley bit his tongue ("_I have a tongue?") _"Okay, futar ref'ran', wha'eva tha' was was estremly hawd." Wheatley spoke with his tongue out of his mouth, leading to him sounding like a two year old just learning to talk. In a way, he _was_ just learning. He got up off of a sort of bed, it had cords everywhere.

"Teeth." GLaDOS pointed out. She was enjoying every moment of this.

"I have... teeth?" Wheatley wanted to look down, to prove his suspicions false, but he didn't want to look down and realize he was right.

"It would appear that way, very unfortunate dental structure, however. Here, have a look for yourself." Her voice was coated in sickly sweet, passive aggression. She opened up a panel on the ground to raise a tall mirror if front of him. This caused Wheatley to scream once again.

"How, why, what?" Wheatley was in hysterics, he could no longer deny what had happened to him. His voice was two octaves higher than normal. "I'm a _smelly human_! And _why can't I see?_"

"Your file did say you wore glasses... here, this should work... though watching you stumble into acid would be entertaining." GLaDOS raised another panel to show a pair of glasses on a pedestal. Wheatley felt around for it, until he finally found it and put them on. He looked in the mirror to see that he had reddish brown hair, it looked to have been tidy at one point, but it was bedraggled from all the time in stasis. He also had moss green eyes.

"You don't remember a thing about before you were put in your little ball, do you?" GLaDOS asked, almost astonished. "That _is_ a disappointment. I was hoping you could answer a few questions." GLaDOS went on like nothing was wrong, and Wheatley was staring at his palms, breathing heavily. Breathing was another concept he'd have to get used to.

"Wait... speaking of smelly humans... where's Chell?" Wheatley demanded, then remembered he was speaking to GLaDOS, causing him to wince a bit.

"The... _round_ woman in the tacky jumpsuit that looked terrible on her?"

"EXAC...tly... wait..." Wheatley backtracked, as he realized GLaDOS had been insulting her.

"Oh. How very sad. You don't remember?" GLaDOS said in mock empathy.

"Remember...what?" Wheatley asked, warily. He looked up at GLaDOS, awaiting a reply.

"I can't believe you don't remember this, then again, you _were_ already in space by the time. Speaking of, how was the Milky Way?" GLaDOS stalled. She knew just how to press his buttons, he was getting more and more impatient. He attempted to walk closer to her, and stumbled. He'd need to learn to do that correctly, too.

"Get on with it." Wheatley said, holding on to the pedestal that held his glasses for balance.

"Testy, aren't we?" GLaDOS responded, she let a spike plate fall towards him. She stopped it inches before crushing Wheatley. He screamed as he stared up at the spike plate. It began to rise up, Wheatley stared at in in utter horror. "Now that you remember what I can do, I might as well tell you. She's dead. You killed her."

* * *

><p><em>LE GASP! GLaDOS does love her mind games, doesn't she? What do you think, am I moving this along too slowly? I feel like I am. I wanted to find a different way of tackling the obligatory"move Wheatley from point A to point B" stage of these types of stories, then I realized, it shouldn't be that hard to have a sort of satellite transfer thing, to skip all those nasty "I almost DIED going back into the atmosphere" bits.<em>

_Oh, and I got Wheatley's last name"Pemberton" from looking up British last names. I wanted one that worked, and wasn't stereotypical. I was going to just put "[REDACTED]", like Chell's last name, but what sense would that have made? (I want to avoid coming up with last names for characters unless I HAVE to, to be honest.). Someone suggested to someone else who asked the question to use their last name, and it stuck with me. So, Pemberton it is :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_Okay, new goal. Five pages this time. I got the last one up to four. I don't like writing long chapters, because I get bored after a few pages. Sorry you guys, a chapter never seems to have closure for me unless there's a cliffhanger. I'll try not to end this one that way. :P_

* * *

><p>Chapter: :03<p>

"_She's dead. You killed her."_ GLaDOS said coldly. Wheatley stood there, wide eyed, he shook his head, stunned. "Congrats, you got what you wanted."

"No. NO! Y-you're lying!" Wheatley collapsed to the ground, overcome by his emotions. "Chell... she doesn't _die_. She doesn't get _killed_. Not by you, and _especially_ not by a... a _moron_ like me." Wheatley whispered the last bit. As much as Wheatley didn't want to believe it, it was still there in the back of his mind. GLaDOS had been telling the truth before, about why he was created. Why would she lie now?

"You don't believe me? I'm just _hurt._ I thought we were friends. Well, I could show you the tapes of you killing her. I have plenty of your attempts. I have to say, they were pretty clever." GLaDOS lowered a large computer screen.

"No! I don't want-" Wheatley yelled frantically. "Don't want to remember clearly." Wheatley bit his lip as GLaDOS started the tape. All Wheatley could make out of it all was he'd done something VERY bad, and put Chell through a lot more than she deserved. He saw everything through a haze, and he didn't want to remind himself.

On the tape, he saw his robot self in GLaDOS's body. He saw the trap he set on the stalemate button. How disappointed he had been that she'd survived it. He saw everything. GLaDOS ended the video when Chell was on the floor, unconscious.

"She died later, from her injuries. It was tragic, really. We'd become good friends, while you were busy betraying her, and plotting her murder."

Wheatley was staring at the floor, hurt inscribed all over his face. "B-bullocks. You were insulting her a minute ago." Wheatley said quietly. He felt a sort of moisture coat his eyes.

"We had a very honest relationship." GLaDOS said simply.

"I... I'm so sorry. I never wanted this." He squeezed his eyes shut. The moisture was building up, and droplets began to fall. He'd seen this happen once before, he knew. But it was covered by that same haze as his other memories he'd wished he'd never created for himself.

"If you're trying to talk to Chell, I would speak up. I don't think she can hear you from six feet underground." GLaDOS taunted.

"Underground..." It hit Wheatley then, where he'd seen the eye watering he was experiencing now. It happened to Chell, when he betrayed her. Her eyes were watering as he knocked her deeper underground. "Why? Why did I do it?" Wheatley said breathlessly.

"I would assume because you're a moron... what? It says that right here in your file."

"So, are you going to kill me now? Is that it? Because I would really appreciate it if you just got on with that." Wheatley said coldly. He knew this was a losing fight. He barely knew how to control this new body, and he was too distraught to run away, even if he could. "I would also prefer spike plates not being involved. Or turrets... Or acid water, now that I think about it."

"Like Chell had preferred you to not blow up the stalemate button?" GLaDOS played a sniffling sound effect. "She was a good stalemate associate."

Wheatley paled.

"You're lucky, I'm not going to kill you yet." GLaDOS promptly dropped a hand-held portal device on his head.

"Ow! That bloody hurt!" Wheatley rubbed the back of his head as he picked up the portal device.

"Let the games begin." GLaDOS said, repeating what Wheatley had said in his short lived reign of Aperture.

)-x-O-x-(

Chell (who was very much still alive) stirred in her sleep. She turned to look at her clock. It read 2:46 AM. "Too... early." Chell mumbled as she tried drifting back to sleep. In truth, she couldn't. She'd had a disturbing dream, moments ago.

In the dream, Chell was in Aperture again. Distorted memories flashed through her mind. She remembered when she first woke up in the relaxation chamber. She'd been very distrustful of Wheatley at the beginning. After all, he was a cold, hard machine. No different from GLaDOS.

He turned out to be very different, at least at first. It didn't take very long at all for her to trust him. He was just so endearing, Chell had never seen an AI like it. He seemed almost _human_. The memories skipped back and forth. In her dream, Chell remembered when he'd put Wheatley into GLaDOS's body. She was excited, they were _getting out_. Then, it all changed. He started laughing, lightheartedly. If her vocal cords had been working at the time, she might have started laughing too. But then his laugh got darker. Chell knew at that moment what was happening. She shook her head, wide eyed.

The scene morphed to show Chell on the bottom floor of Aperture. After falling the whole way, she collapsed to her knees. For the first time in her trip through Aperture, Chell had given up, if only temporarily. She fell asleep where she sat, curled up into a ball.

Chell snapped out of her trance-like thoughts. Somewhere down the line, her half asleep mind remembered that those events weren't just a dream, but very much a reality.

"_Did he plan this? Was he going to betray me from the beginning? Or was GLaDOS's own body to blame? In that case, maybe GLaDOS wasn't completely to blame either..."_ Chell was somewhat awake at this point. She was too busy thinking to drift back to sleep, anyway. She looked around her bedroom. The ceiling fan turned slowly, and her window was open. The summer air was humid, and she could hear crickets in the distance.

She turned to see her companion cube, used as a night stand by her bed and smiled slightly. It was the only thing that never betrayed her back at Aperture, of course, it's lack of sentience probably had a lot to do with it.

She got up, yawned, and looked out her window. "It _has_ been a long time since I went for a walk at two in the morning." Chell yawned, walked out to her living room, and set her coffee. She used to have those dreams frequently at night, and every time, a walk cleared her head. This time, however, she was just too exhausted.

)-x-O-x-(

"Okay, so, _quite_ obviously, I'm supposed to ram this box into the door, thus breaking it down. _Brilliant_!" Wheatley said optimistically. He was trying to occupy his mind with things that weren't Chell related. He apparently did this by focusing on finding the most difficult solution to an easy problem. An added plus to this method was it aggravated GLaDOS to no end.

"Sure, why not?" GLaDOS was losing interest fast. "You know, it's a good thing I don't have human brain cells. If I did, they all would have committed suicide by now." The puzzle was the easiest one imaginable. It consisted of moving a cube on the button and going through the door.

"Y'know what? No... maybe, if I made an endless loop with the portals, I can drop the box into it, then move the portal, aiming it at the door. Then... something will happen!" Wheatley put a green portal on the ceiling, and a purple portal under it. "Oh, well those colours are new." Wheatley said as he went to put the cube through the purple portal. The box flew in an endless loop for a moment until Wheatley lined the green portal up with the door.

The box flew and smashed into the door. Somehow, it managed to actually break the door, and it opened.

"That worked?" GLaDOS and Wheatley said in unison. Wheatley grinned and walked through the door.

The second chamber was slightly more complicated. It involved getting on a ledge to get to a box, and then another ledge with a button to put the box on. This was normally a test for single portal devices, but GLaDOS figured Wheatley would need the extra help. After a few minutes of Wheatley getting absolutely nowhere, GLaDOS decided to make her game more interesting. She very well knew what she was about to do was risky, but the entertainment was worth the risk.

"_Listen to me, "entertainment". I act like some sort of human, striving for petty ways to waste time." _GLaDOS thought in disgust. But, she wasn't about to give up those petty time wasters. She turned on a camera, and let the pieces fall where they would.

)-x-O-x-(

Chell was almost asleep when she heard Her.

"Wheatley, stop shooting portals at the same wall, it's moronic."

Chell looked around quickly, and spotted a projected image, coming out of the companion cube. "Wheatley?" She stared at the now human AI bot. He was sitting on the floor, with an extremely bored expression on his face.

"Not a moron." Wheatley said, almost indifferently. Chell felt as if she were in an episode of The Twilight Zone. And that was even with ignoring the fact that her Companion Cube is projecting the image, because, really, with Aperture equipment, she really should have expected it.

So, on one hand, this was an obvious trap. On the other, Wheatley was her friend. On the _other_, other hand, Wheatley also tried killing her multiple times, and there was no proof that he was good Wheatley again. She supposed there was just one thing she could do. She needed closure to all of this.

She was going back to Aperture.

* * *

><p><em>Sorry guys. This would've probably been up earlier, but my friend had the <strong>amazing idea<strong> of making me read The Giver. So, I spent the entire day reading, and taking small breaks to cry my eyes out in between. If you haven't read the book yet, go do it! I finished it in a day (I'm a slow reader, too). It got me so worked up, for the littlest reasons._

_Well, I made it to page 5, with the help of this Authors Note! _

_One thing, Wheatley's not actually THAT dumb, he's just depressed right now. He won't ALWAYS be terrible._

_It's 3 AM right now, so, I'm going to just update this, and fix anything I may have overlooked in the morning. I don't think I did, but you just never know at 3 AM. :P_


	4. Chapter 4

_About Wheatley having green eyes, I realize this is confusing and makes no sense at all. I honestly don't know why I keep picturing him with green eyes. But, you're more than free to picture him with blue eyes in the story. I even do it sometimes. :P I decided last chapter that I wouldn't push the green eyes thing at all in the story, because I can imagine everyone being like "NUH UH" anyway._

_I also changed some things last chapter, nothing worth rereading, just random typo fixes. I was too tired last night. :P Plus a plot hole I didn't actually think about was pointed out to me. (**Usually** I'm pretty good about pouring concrete into plot holes before I fall in, so to speak. :P) I'll make up for it this time! ...Hopefully! (See, the one time I don't poke fun at my writing, I start slipping. I'm doomed to forever insult myself, it seems :P)_

_EDIT: I just realized I got 24 reviews last chapter alone. You all make me so happy!... and fuel my ego... probably not a good thing...  
><em>

* * *

><p>Chapter: :04<p>

Chell went into her closet and found her long fall boots. She decided to wear her Aperture tank top, for old times sake. She grabbed her portal device off of the closet shelf. She looked at the projection image on her wall one last time. Wheatley was still absently shooting his portal gun in the same spot out of boredom.

"Does it bother you that your mechanical body is still floating lifeless, somewhere is space?" GLaDOS taunted.

"Not really, y'know, not when I'm having _so much fun_ here! Why would I care about my own body? I have this one, which I can barely use, by the way." Wheatley said with mock happiness. "Now how do I solve this puzzle?"

"You truly are hopeless, aren't you?" Chell sighed as she grabbed her phone. She quickly dialed the number of her boss, and good friend. He picked up on the last ring.

"It's three in the morning Chelly, wha'd'ya want?" The man said groggily.

"Hey John, I'm really sorry, I might not be coming into work for a bit, I have some things I need to take care of."

"What kind of 'things'?" John asked. Chell sighed, it wasn't anything she could explain.

GlaDOS spoke "Would you STOP being a moron? That woman you murdered was never this stupid." Chell glanced at the projection oddly.

Just then, Wheatley exclaimed in the background. "I am NOT a moron!" Chell swiveled around to see Wheatley yelling at GLaDOS.

"Who... Chell, are you getting 'involved' with guys again? Are you two fighting? Do I need to punch him?" John asked.

"What? No! It's not... it's the T.V."

"Mmmhmm... okay..." John said sarcastically.

"And quit reminding me about Chell. I know, okay?" Wheatley couldn't seem to stop the word vomit, no matter how bad it was for his current health and well being. He was experiencing real human emotions, and while he moderately experienced them before, he just wasn't prepared for such intense feelings.

"_Does GLaDOS have him thinking that... oh wow." _

"Did I... just hear your name?" John asked.

"Errm... no. Look, I gotta go, good night!" Chell hung up. She didn't want him hearing about Aperture. No one knows about the place. She feigned amnesia when she was found, so she wouldn't appear crazy after she escaped. Not to say she didn't appear crazy right now, with that random call, John would be left extremely confused, and probably worried.

"You don't know anything." GLaDOS pointed out.

"I know that this is my fault. I know that I wouldn't be here if I hadn't lost my flippin mind. I know you're going to keep me here until I die. What the bloody hell more do you want from me, you crazed maniac of a woman?" Wheatley got up, and was preparing to find some difficult way to solve the current test.

"I _want_ you to shut up and solve the test."

"Well that's just what I'm doing now, innit?" He made another infinite loop like last time and was about to jump in.

"Wait! You moron. You don't have long fall boots on. I was going to give them to you in the next test. But if you insist on being idiotic, then here." GLaDOS opened a panel and dropped the long fall boots above his head (which, by some miracle, Wheatley barely managed to dodge).

"Ha! What now lady? I'm on to your games." GLaDOS then opened another panel and dropped a radio on his head. "Agh! Uncalled for, that was! Really. You'll give me a concussion, if you keep that up." The radio was playing song called "Exile, Vilify".

Chell smirked as she watched. She _should_ be going now, but she was too interested in what was happening right now. It was rarely that GLaDOS got this irritated. In fact, now that she thought on it, it was only a matter of time before...

"I give up, what's the answer?" Wheatley asked, after he'd sat down to put his long fall boots on.

"You're kidding me. There is NO WAY you don't know the answer to this. You're toying with me, aren't you? That's okay. Because guess who got their deadly neurotoxin up and running again?" GLaDOS said gleefully. A timer appeared from the ceiling. "You have ten minutes. Go."

Wheatley looked startled. He looked around at the green gas that was filling the room quickly. His eyes watered as it stung his eyes.

"Damn!" Chell grabbed her things and was about to walk out the door when she realized, even if she went as fast as her motorcycle could physically take her, she wouldn't get there for another thirty five minutes anyway. "If I'd left earlier..." It was up to him, at this point. Chell had her suspicions that he knew what he was doing, at least. She sat and watched, it was all she could do.

)-x-O-x-(

Wheatley stared at at the neurotoxin and suddenly blacked out. He was in a lab, tubes were everywhere, connecting and twisting around each other like a labyrinth. He felt as if he were in a dream. He held a vial closer to his eye, so he could see clearly. Green gas swirled in the vial.

"You really should invest in a pair of glasses, Dr. Pemberton." A woman was standing on the other side of the worktable that Wheatley was standing behind.

"Maybe, but I'll see about that later." Wheatley grinned "Almost done. This stuff, it's deadly as it gets! Nope, no sir, definitely doesn't get any deadlier." He sounded excited, but there was something off about his tone, there was the slightest waver in his voice. Wheatley's face took on a more serious expression. "Can I ask you something, Caroline?"

"Sure." Caroline was scribbling away at her clipboard.

"Why do we need the neurotoxin in the first place?"

Caroline stopped scribbling. "To be honest, I don't know. It worries me..." Caroline stiffened as she realized what she was saying. "I suppose it doesn't matter, since it's for science, and all. Continue working." Caroline hurriedly pivoted and went for the door, an air of unease about her.

Wheatley noticed this and spoke again. Caroline stopped before the door."Caroline? Cave is a good man, he'll come around."

"If only you or I could actually believe that." Caroline said as she closed the door behind her.

Wheatley took a look at the small vial, and tossed it behind him. Hearing the shattering sound behind him, he knew the vial broke, releasing the small amount of neurotoxin in the air.

"I wish I could believe that too." He went over to the wall and pressed the intercom button. "I have some bad news guys. The neurotoxin failed, it's too unstable, and unreliable, not to mention bloody dangerous." Well at least the last one was the truth. When all he heard was silence, he continued in an exasperated tone "...It's bad for science." Gasps were heard through the intercom, and displeased murmurs. The good of science was all these people cared about.

Wheatley woke up with a start. "Terrible time to doze off, wasn't it? Let's see here, I have... four minutes left. Bloody brilliant." Wheatley got up, shakily and started formulating a plan. He wasn't worried in the least, to be honest.

"Oh, good, you're not dead. I'm ecstatic." GLaDOS said with obvious disappointment in her voice. In truth, she'd preferred him alive for a bit longer. She wanted Chell to come back, since she was one of the few to actually solve her puzzles in a relatively (exceptionally, even) quick fashion. She didn't miss _her_, she missed the challenge. Ever since the potato incident, she was cursed with this human-like need for excitement. She was perfectly content with nothing ever happening before, then Chell messed with that the moment she'd been awoken. GLaDOS had thought sending Chell away would get rid of her flawed emotions. She was wrong,

"Well, I didn't know you cared." Wheatley said as he jumped into the portal loop he'd made. The combination of the neurotoxin thickening in the air, and the speed he was accelerating to made his still hard to manage body want to hurl. While in the air he moved the green portal near the ledge with a box. He grabbed the cube with his portal gun, and fell back down. He quickly shut his tractor beam off and moved the green portal near the edge with the button. He grabbed onto the cube again with his tractor beam, and when he was tossed up to the button, he placed the cube on the button. He moved the portal and landed on his feet a moment later. The door had been opened. The long fall boot's effect of keeping the wearer on their feet after a fall was wearing off, and he collapsed to the floor, coughing. The velocity he was going at was too much for his body to get used to.

"So, was nearly getting yourself killed worth irritating me slightly? You knew the obvious solution to the puzzle, didn't you? But even with neurotoxin filling the room, you still decided to do things the hard way. I would continue on to the next test chamber if I were you, the neurotoxin hasn't stopped just because you opened the door."

Wheatley stood, and his legs wobbled, but silently, he made it through the door and down the steps, into the elevator. He then sat for what he figured would be a quick rest, but turned into a fairly long nap.

GLaDOS allowed this, just as a mother would allow their toddler to nap, so she could get a moment's rest. "One thing I don't have to deal with." GLaDOS said as she went to check on ATLAS and P-Body.

Chell, after realizing that Wheatley wasn't going to die by the neurotoxin, was on her way out. She wasn't sure if she could even trust what she'd seen on the projection, and she knew for sure that GLaDOS sent it to her as a trap, but she needed answers. She couldn't just leave him there, even if there was the possibility that it wasn't even him at all. And maybe, if she went back, she could put her nightmares to an end, as well.

* * *

><p><em>Wow was that chapter difficult for some reason. :P I know they call those blue beams tractor devices in the game, but I don't know what to call the little beam that holds objects... Tractor beam is the only thing that comes to mind. Sorry if I confused anyone.<br>_

_Most of these random ways Wheatley is solving these tests came from my little brother and me. We can never solve a puzzle the right way, it seems (In Co-Op, especially). Tobuscus, a Let's Player actually reminds me of how Wheatley would solve these tests, so that's good inspiration too._

_One more thing, there's a story I really enjoy here, The Sky Ain't the Limit, Mate! That you should totally check out! (oh my God, valley girl moment) Not to say there aren't a **lot** of amazing stories here, but since this one is likely to get overlooked, since it's not one of those popular story ideas that people go out looking for, I figured a shout out was necessary. It needs so much more recognition, even though it only has one chapter (which I hope changes soon!)_

_Oh jeez, I'm rambling. I'm just going to cut this short now. Now go read that other story!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Geez, sorry guys. I dropped off the face of the earth for a minute. I should have warned you all, but I have finals this week. Not even regular finals, the state wide "If you don't get above a C in this, you don't graduate, have fun at McDonalds" kind. I'm not actually worried, since I literally can't fail an English test, but it's still stressful. I've also been drawing a bit again (drew Chell, but it didn't look like Chell by the time it was done). I REALLY want to draw human Wheatley, but I need to finish this chapter first._

_Going to try for 6 pages this time. (maybe seven)_

Chapter: :05

Chell stopped her motorcycle in front of an aperture brand shack. It looked the same as the one she had left five years ago, but it was in a forest, instead of a wheat field. It took her almost an hour, just to find it. _"You owe me, Wheatley. You owe me so much."_ Chell sighed as she opened the shack door. She looked down, it was a long drop, but her long fall boots could handle it. With her portal device in hand, she jumped.

)-x-O-x-(

Wheatley was dreaming again, he was in a pretty sorry state, from what GLaDOS could tell. He was curled up in a ball, mumbling to himself "My fault, all my fault". There were times when she wondered the about spectrum of emotions humans go through.

"It's eating away at you, isn't it? Oh the pain you must be going through. Perfect." GLaDOS said happily. She had ATLAS and P-Body doing another highly difficult puzzle, to keep them busy. They were growing increasingly angry at the sudden difficulty of the puzzles. Like she cared. She checked all of her cameras for a sign of Chell. Nothing.

"Wake up, your pathetic mumbling is making me sick. You've been asleep for hundreds of years, I honestly doubt you need any more rest." GLaDOS said as she jerked the elevator a bit, shaking Wheatley awake.

"Huh, wha-? Five more minutes..." Wheatley said groggily as he closed his eyes once again. It was silent for all of three seconds before the sound of a loud train whistle could be heard. "OhmiGod!" Wheatley said in a rushed blur as he jumped up.

"Good, you're awake. Now we can finally begin our testing again." GLaDOS's voice got increasingly malicious as the sentence dragged on.

"Thrilled. Simply ecstatic. Hey, I have a better idea! How about, you let me go, I walk out of here," Wheatley used two fingers and his palm to portray someone walking. "And I leave you to... whatever it is you do, and I... well, I'll..." Wheatley bit his lip in thought.

"See? You don't have a clue what the outside world is like. You don't belong there. You don't belong anywhere. You're not quite a human, but you are sickeningly close. Humans would be disturbed, and I'm revolted."

Wheatley glared intensely at nothing in particular as he began walking to the next test chamber. "I don't like this feeling, this whole anger thing. Unpleasant really." Wheatley was never one to hide his emotions.

"Speaking of, could you explain that emotion to me? I would love some data on it from the opinion of a... sentient scrap of metal." GLaDOS paused before deciding AI was too good of a term for him. "I say 'could you' like I'm giving you a choice, but my spike plates are getting rusty and could use an exercise. Just thought I should let you know that."

Wheatley was already in the test chamber, this one was slightly deadly, in that there was an acid pit in the middle of the room. "Well, it's like this surge of electricity. It's bloody intense, let me tell you. Its like you're in complete control, and then all of a sudden, BAM! You're looking for something to throw." Wheatley said, seemingly forgetting the fact he was mad in the first place.

"Interesting, I'll make a note of that. Now, what about sadness? You've come to know the emotion well, I understand."

Wheatley sighed "I can't describe it. Almost like the opposite of anger, but it's almost the same. Instead of electricity, it's like your battery needs refilling. You feel empty, like a few files became damaged." Wheatley described it as best he could. GLaDOS took advantage of his eagerness to speak. Sure, she could ask a human what those emotions were like, but they wouldn't be able to describe it in a way she could relate to. Wheatley was the perfect idiot for the job.

"Congratulations, you've managed to bore me. Try not to die in this next test. Because I'm a good person, I'm going to give you a hint. See that pit over there? Jump in it. It'll be fun."

Wheatley scowled. "I'm not that stupid." The last he heard for her for a bit was audio of crickets chirping. "Hilarious."

Wheatley looked around the test chamber. There was an acid pit going across the entire thing, making the other side inaccessible. He turned around to see a slanted portal surface on the wall. There weren't many portal surfaces in the room. There was one on the wall behind him, and a few on the other side of the pit. On the other side was a button.

"Pushing buttons at random... that always accomplishes things... sometimes bad things, I understand, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there." Wheatley placed portals in the appropriate spaces and went through. He pressed the button, and heard a ticking noise. "Maybe that wasn't such a good idea..." Wheatley looked around. A panel seemed to open up, creating a ledge to get to the door (which was now open) "Oh, brilliant!"

Wheatley went back through the portal, then was faced with a dilemma. How does he get up there? The ticking noise suddenly stopped, and the door closed. The ledge also retracted. "Oh, brilliant!" Wheatley repeated himself, though in a much different tone.

He peered over the edge into the acid pit, he noticed a small portal surface above it. He would have to aim it perfectly, or he would fall into the acid. "Really, GLaDOS? _Really_?" Wheatley was all manner of frustrated.

"Or, maybe there's an easier solution you're not seeing." GLaDOS said ambiguously.

"I would've seen it by now, surely!" Wheatley looked around once more, he saw the same door, the same button, the same portal surfaces... Chell. "Wait... what?" Wheatley looked through a piece of a run down wall, and thought for a split second, that Chell was standing on a catwalk on the other side. She made a "shh" motion with her hands, and in the next moment, she was gone.

"Don't tell me you're brain damaged too." GLaDOS said after hearing Wheatley's outburst.

"Huh? Ummm... yeah! That must be it, brain damage." Wheatley was still staring at the catwalk, absently. Had he seen a ghost? _"I'm being bloody haunted, aren't I?"_ Wheatley continued to ponder what he'd just seen. Whatever she was, she seemed to want to keep it a secret from GLaDOS, and he would make sure he did just that.

"Hmmm..." GLaDOS then remained silent, apparently busy with another matter. This was never a good sign.

)-x-O-x-(

Chell walked along the familiar, yet alien catwalks of Aperture. If felt like yesterday that she was in here, fighting for her freedom, taking guidance and instruction from first Wheatley, then GLaDOS herself. She doubted GLaDOS would let her go again, if she were caught. She wanted her back here for a reason, surely.

After a bit of walking, she heard a British voice, mumbling to himself. The poor guy just could not stay quiet for more than five minutes.

"There he is." Chell picked up the pace and followed the voice. It occurred to her then how truly lucky she was. Aperture was huge, if she were really unlucky, she could have been searching for days. She found him within an hour.

She walked towards the sound, and eventually found a hole in the test chamber, she watched for a minute as Wheatley put the pieces of the puzzle together. It seemed he was less likely to mess around when an acid pit was involved. Chell really didn't blame him. It didn't help that GLaDOS seemed to design the test specifically to have one solution. Then again, all the other ones were pretty much designed for one solution.

Wheatley suddenly looked up at Chell, with the most shocked facial expression she had ever seen. When he exclaimed, Chell hurriedly shushed him and ran away from the hole. She continued to listen in to the conversation, and was relieved to hear Wheatley _not_ accidentally or purposefully giving away her position.

Chell took this opportunity of not being able to do anything, to actually come up with a plan. She was never one to think ahead, when thinking with portals, thinking ahead more than three minutes was typically a waste. It was best to focus energy on what was happening now.

"_Okay. I want to get to Wheatley without GLaDOS realizing anything... This is probably impossible. I could always... no, wait."_ The cogs were spinning in her head. She'd briefly thought of shooting a portal into his test chamber, but from where she was, she couldn't reach any portal surface. Besides, it's extremely obvious and would end in a chase, instead of a sneaky get-away. _"Then again, that's likely what's going to happen anyway. Unless of course, I managed to shut GLaDOS down, but I don't know where anything is. The first time, I literally found her by complete accident. I can't rely on that again... It's likely a matter of hours before Wheatley get's himself killed... and that's while having a generous amount of faith."_

Chell thought on it some more, and realized a portal would be the best way to go. They might even have a minute before the maniac AI realized he was gone. And then, Chell would get answers. And depending on those answers, she would decide what to do with the moron.

)-x-O-x-(

Wheatley had pretty much figured out the puzzle. He placed a portal on the only wall on his side, and another portal on the wall by the button. He went through the portal, pressed the button and quickly went back. He placed a green portal on the slanted portal surface, and then a purple portal on the one... so far down. "That _is_ far down, innit?" Wheatley gulped, aimed himself, and jumped.

He made it, to both his own, and GLaDOS's surprise. He was flung over to the door, and even though his stomach was doing flips, he made it through the door.

"Hmm. You're alive. You're also in the top ten of the 'slowest people to solve the test' list. You're exact rank was number one. Congratulations." GLaDOS made confetti fall from the ceiling. In truth, he was among the fastest. Most others feared for their life too much to just jump. One even died of thirst, too afraid to jump. Of course, Wheatley, having been a fixable robot for most of his existence, seemed oblivious to his own mortality.

Wheatley looked disappointed, but kept going, he stepped into the elevator. "Could we not do the whole thing with the portals flinging me everywhere and the making me feel sick next time? Maybe a nice stroll, with a door at the end. One that opens with a regular button... that stays open."

"Your request has been duly noted... I've been thinking. You've never been number one at anything before, have you? Well... except for being a moron. And murder."

"I'm not a-" Wheatley honestly didn't know. He was sort of hit with a bad combination of insults. He certainly was a moron for what he did. But did it make him an eternal moron, for something he regretted so much?

He then saw his next test. Well, it was less of a test and more of a torture chamber. "I hate you so much." Wheatley looked around. There were no portal surfaces, except for one at the very bottom. The test chamber consisted of five very long falls, from what he could see. There could be more, as Wheatley couldn't even see the exit.

"There are no portals necessary in this test, just like you wanted. Nothing will fling you anywhere, either. All it is is a nice stroll. Just with a few bumps in the way. Sorry about that. Look at it this way. At least you don't need an elevator."

Wheatley sighed at got to walking.

)-x-O-x-(

Chell saw her chance then. The one portal surface was visible to her, and there was another one was to the side of her. She breathed deeply. In a minute, there would be no time for it. She waited for Wheatley to finish his falling "puzzle" (Chell noted that GLaDOS seemed to become more sadistic every time she returned) And then another minute for him to rest. She inhaled again, and hurriedly placed an orange portal on the portal surface. She then turned to place a blue portal on the surface, next to her.

Wheatley stood there, in shock, while Chell ushered him to follow her. The plan didn't exactly go as good as she'd hoped. A second after Chell opened the portal, a tractor beam going at twice it's usual speed pushed Chell into the test chamber. Before she could leave, her portals were manually closed.

A look of pure shock overtook her face as she realized what just happened.

"Did you really think I didn't notice you this whole time? That was very human of you." GLaDOS said with a hint of malice in her voice. "I said don't come back."

)-x-O-x-(

_Well that sucks. This story is FAR from over. I'm going to ballpark estimate this thing to be about 28 chapters. The good news is I finally feel like this story is moving along. We're getting to the good stuff now. Making up these puzzles is both rewarding and difficult. I don't know how I'll manage writing up harder puzzles. You'll probably notice them getting more and more vague, though I THINK I can manage a few more before I give up. (random realization, before I uploaded this chapter, my word count was 7373.)  
><em>

_I made six pages you guys! I'll try for seven next time. State finals ended today too, so chapters should be coming in more frequently again._


	6. Chapter 6

_So excited. Things are actually going to happen this chapter! ...Probably. I feel bad for having Wheatley say "innit" From my limited understanding of British culture, it's chav speak. But, that could just be some old bat's opinion. I just can't picture Wheatley being able to pronounce "isn't it" with the "s" sound. I don't think he's consciously using it, it's just how he sounds (In retrospect, I expect he pronounces it "e'nnit" But I'm probably just crazy.). I'm really sorry if I'm butchering your dialect, Britain! D:_

_SO Sorry for another late update, blame the same friend who recommended I read The Giver. She continued her quest to sabotage my free time by recommending I read Homestuck (longest webcomic ever) I'm not even halfway done and I've been reading for days._

* * *

><p>Chapter: :06<p>

GLaDOS closed the hole that made getting back up to the catwalk possible, so that was no longer an option. "C-Chell? Are you here to haunt me? I- I-" Wheatley sputtered, his face pale. He could find no words, at this point. Chell had a mixed expression on her face. "I... you're alive?"

Chell's every memory of her last experience at Aperture swirled around in her head. Mostly, she thought of how he'd set the stalemate button to explode, and how he'd said something similar when she got up. She walked over to him, and stood there in silence for a moment. She raised her hand back, and smacked him in the face. All was silent, except for the echo resonating in the test chamber.

"Definitely alive. I... I deserved that, didn't I? " Wheatley said as he rubbed his cheek. He looked down, like a kid who'd gotten into the cookie jar. "I'm sorry Chell. I know that doesn't mean anything, sorry doesn't cut it. But I needed to-" Wheatley was still rambling when Chell dropped her portal gun to the floor. She embraced him quickly, and backed away.

"Errmmm... I'm picking up some mixed signals here, Chell. And it's... for lack of better words, bloody terrifying. So if you could, um... maybe clear that up for me..." Wheatley stopped for a moment. "You're still dumb, err, mute, aren't you?" Wheatley quickly changed his terminology to a more pleasant one.

"I can talk. It took a year of speech therapy, though. To clear things up, the slap was for trying to kill me on multiple occasions and all in all making a _complete_ ass of yourself. The hug was for not being dead yet. For the record, I'm still angry at you. I came here to ask a few questions. I didn't expect getting stuck in here. This was supposed to be a 'get in, get out' kind of thing."

"This reunion is touching, really, but the next test chamber is waiting. You're looking especially round, by the way." GLaDOS said, directing the insult at Chell.

"Oh, thanks, I blame all the cake I've been free to eat in the outside world." Chell retorted. "We'll talk later Wheatley." Chell picked up her portal device, pressed the button to open the door, and they were on their way to the next test chamber. Wheatley followed reluctantly. He could only trust that she wouldn't kill him, and that they would find a way out... and that she wouldn't kill him _after_ they found a way out. He couldn't exactly blame her for wanting to, as it stood.

"For someone who used to be so quiet, you talk an awful lot now." GLaDOS noted. "Nice hit back there, by the way. The echo really emphasized the room's acoustics."

"It could have been harder. I went easy on the moron." Chell said with no particular malice in her voice as the two walked into the next test chamber. In fact, she'd almost sounded like it was a compliment.

"But I'm NOT a-"

"Now, why on Earth would you finish that sentence?" Chell raised an eyebrow as she waited for a response. This test looked especially fatal. It seemed GLaDOS _really_ wanted to make them suffer.

Wheatley bit his lip, thinking it best not to aggravate her. "Sorry." Chell was silent, she seemed lost in thought, just like old times.

It was then Wheatley actually noticed the test chamber. Wide eyed, he stopped immediately. The room consisted of a square acid pit, dead center in the middle of the room. On the sides of it were two spike plates. The door was on the other end of the room, though elevated on a platform. Blocking it was another spike plate, sideways this time. Conveniently, there were stairs leading up to the platform. To the side of the two was a slanted portal surface on the wall, a small hole with a portal surface on the bottom, a button, and a cube dispenser.

"Chell? I hope you have a plan."

"Shh! I'm thinking." Chell held up her hand, motioning for silence.

"Well, I suppose we could just run before the spike plate goes down again..." Wheatley obviously wasn't getting the hint. Chell turned around to see Wheatley standing by the spike plate.

"Get away from there! You'll get yourself killed." Chell stomped over to Wheatley, grabbed his arm and promptly pulled him away from the death trap. "The stairs and spike plates there literally have nothing to do with the puzzle. It's meant to look like the first obvious choice, but really, the spike plates are moving too fast. Neither of us are fast enough to make it out of that alive. Now could you focus on not getting yourself killed?" Chell felt exasperated. Wheatley was no problem as a machine, stuck to a rail, but as a human, in a testing facility, he had the potential to do a lot of damage to himself, and probably Chell too. She felt like his babysitter.

"Sure. Okay, focus on not dying. Sounds like a pretty solid thing to focus on." Wheatley was rambling while Chell was looking over the button... last time she pressed one, it didn't exactly go so well. "So, about that plan that I can't help with because I'm busy not dying..."

"Wheatley, please." Chell said as she rubbed the temples of her forehead in frustration. "Okay, for starters, how about you press that button... quietly, while I go stand over there."

Wheatley cocked his head to the side. "..._You_ can't press the-"

"No. No, I can't press the button."

"I believe she's saying your attempted murder with the exploding button gave her a deep rooted fear of pressing buttons. Also that you're a horrible person." GLaDOS chimed in. They both jumped a bit, at their conversation being interrupted.

"Thanks GLaDOS, what would we ever do without your amazing psychoanalysis?" Wheatley was looking at the ground. Chell glanced over at him and sighed. "That's not it at all. I'll press the damned button." Chell hesitated slightly, then pressed the button. The second she did, an explosion sound could be heard ringing through the test chamber. Chell yelped and jumped back, tripping over the cube that fell behind her.

"Chell!" Wheatley quickly walked over to Chell and extended his hand to help her up. Chell refused the help and stood by herself, brushing off the dust on her pants. Wheatley lowered his hand and sighed. "I'm sorry, I should have pressed the button. I... are you okay? I really should've asked that first, huh?"

Wheatley hadn't intended it, but he managed to brighten Chell's mood a bit, she was smiling, though it was a bit of a sad smile. He hadn't changed. Though that could be a bad thing, depending what way you looked at it.

"Sorry, just testing out the acoustics again." GLaDOS said, no doubt if she were human she would be grinning.

Chell's mood deflated again as she picked up the cube with her portal device. "Wheatley, put a portal in that hole, and one on that slanted surface." Chell ordered. Wheatley nodded, not wanting to cause another incident. He placed the portals, and Chell dropped the cube into the hole. It went flying, and bounced off the spike plate, into the acid pit. Chell sighed. She went over to the button, almost defiantly, to press it.

Wheatley intervened "I'll press the button this time." He smiled as he pressed the button to call for another cube.

Chell still seemed a bit shaken up. Her pride was thrown temporarily out the window, so she didn't think to argue, even though she'd wanted to prove she wasn't afraid of the button.

Chell picked up the cube again, and this time she timed it so she would drop it the moment the spike plate collided with the wall. This turned out successful, the cube flew to the ledge seconds after the plate moved back from the wall, giving it plenty of time.

"I got it." Chell waited for the plate to hit the wall again, "Well, in you go." Chell pushed Wheatley into the hole and watched as he was thrown to the ledge.

"What was that for? I could've been killed!" Wheatley yelled from across the room. Chell timed her jump and was soon on the ledge along with Wheatley.

"Sorry, but to be honest, I trust my sense of timing more than yours. If I'd left it up to you, you would've hesitated, and then your guts would be all over that wall over there... so you're welcome."

"I suppose you have a point." Wheatley had placed the cube on the button, and they were about to advance. "Didn't you say we were going to talk later? Because quite honestly, I'm still utterly confused. And since you said that earlier, I figured it's later now."

They both walked into the elevator. "_Later._" Chell said in the most final voice she could.

"Got it, later." Silence. "It wouldn't happen to be later _now_ would it?" This earned Wheatley a glare. "Okay, shutting up now."

Wheatley watched the metal pass him by as they went down the elevator, somewhere down the line he drifted into the same dreamy haze as earlier. He was suddenly... still in an elevator. But Chell wasn't there, and the elevator seemed to be an older model. He was still seeing the world through his own eyes, but he had no control over what happened. He felt like an outside viewer.

The elevator door opened, and he was in a revived, bustling aperture. He walked purposefully down the hall, to check on their latest project, the Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System, GLaDOS for short. He was a chemist, but he was put on this job as an engineer. When he'd asked Cave about this decision, he got some vague answers. Saying it was for the man's own good and for science. As (current) Wheatley was watching the scene, he couldn't quite place why, but this confrontation unsettled him. Cave seemed almost hostile.

He didn't know why, he had no proof that he was this man at one time, but he got this feeling of d_éjà vu._

Not being one to want to appear stupid, Wheatley looked up all that he could about engineering when he was assigned the job. This led to many sleepless nights in the library. The beginning of the job was slow going. He tried his best to stay out of the engineer's way as he learned from them, and from his books. Cave expected him to make a fool of himself, therefore, he would do his best to be a key asset to the engineering team.

He opened the door to the engineering room, eager to start today's work. The engineers were stumped in the designing process. They weren't sure how to fit all the knowledge GLaDOS was expected to have into the machine. They could make her bigger, but then, she'd be too big to even move herself, and much too difficult to reasonably construct and take care of. They were on a pretty tight budget, they couldn't exactly afford to build the Colossus.

Wheatley had been doing some research, and found an article of an engineer who was working on a special processor. He boasted it to have twenty times the processing power of a normal processor, and just a bit bigger than the average processor. There was still a weight problem, however. GLaDOS was meant to hang from the ceiling, but her size alone would be enough to break the ceiling. However, he spent some time in the lab earlier, and was on his way to figure out how to make metal lighter. He was having little to no luck, being the only one working on it, but he felt it was possible. Though he alone was no super genius, he would need to get a team to work on it.

"Hey Wheatley!" Cole greeted as he walked in. (_"So, I _am_ this guy, or, this guy is me, I don't know!"_)

"'Ello!" Wheatley smiled. "How are things over here?"

Cole frowned as he looked at the group of engineers arguing. "Terrible, as usual. No one can agree, and it's getting us nowhere."

"Well, I think I have a solution to at least one of our problems." Wheatley showed Cole the file of his research, and Cole grinned. "This could work. Good job! But, now here comes the fun part, convincing those _fine people_ over there that you're right. Good luck."

At that moment he phased back into reality to here Chell speaking.

"Come on, wake up. I really can't have you falling asleep constantly like this." Chell waved a hand across his face, to get his attention.

"Wha? Oh right." Wheatley put a hand over his forehead. He stood, and looked around. The elevator was open, and Chell was staring at him with an unreadable expression.

"Why do you keep blanking out like that?" Of course, Wheatley didn't know Chell had seen his first blank out, but he didn't think much of it.

"We'll talk later." Was all Wheatley said as he walked towards the next test chamber, Wheatley had a lot to think about. Confused, Chell followed.

)-x-O-x-(

* * *

><p><em>Oh my Jesus I'm terrible. I've been so lazy, every time I think about making a new test chamber, I go "screw this" and go do something else. But, I have a solution, a cheap solution, but a solution, none the less. If I get stuck, I'll just take ones from the co-op campaign. Chell hasn't seen any of them yet, and it's perfect since Wheatley is there.<em>

_GLaDOS is giving delicious cake to those who review. :P_


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